Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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