She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sobbing to NWA
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
