Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize