Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
