He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
