Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
