i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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