i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize