Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
