Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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