I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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