Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
