is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
