im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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