She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
