we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
