I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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