The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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