I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So gin and wine won't be happening again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
