We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
