If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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