wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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