I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
