Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
