i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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