Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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