do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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