just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
