i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
