If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
