Moan for me like Helen Keller
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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