you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
