I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
