Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
