And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
