new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
