No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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