East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
