How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
