Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
