my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
