Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
