He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
