mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.