i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
