I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
