Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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