If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
