I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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