Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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