I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize