his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
