I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
