I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
