i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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