He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
