i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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