My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
