OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
