yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
