When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
