I need help removing her.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
