Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
