You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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