thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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