Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Someone signed my nipple.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
