I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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