I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
