you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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