it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Good thing I've started drinking again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos