I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
