So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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