OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
