I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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