Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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