I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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