the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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