Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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