so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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