Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
