He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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