I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
