Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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