I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize