Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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