it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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