did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
